Yet again, I was short of words to express myself. Tried...but it didn’t happen. There is nothing new to it, neither I am complaining but its, just that...I feel sad for not being normal at expressing things.
A toothy smile, a shrilly laughter, a couple of tears and periods of silence – that’s all that I know of expressing coz when it comes to putting even the simplest of explanations in words, I end up uttering meaningless jumbled sentences. Not to mention – rendering myself a complete fool in most of such cases.
Looking back at the time gone by, I feel surprised that even before I could know or register, blankness had already been absorbed seamlessly in my personality. Wondering if I was better in my former years ; not that I was better at telling my personal state but, at least I was good at making others understand complex things (of their respective lives) in simpler forms. I know that it was one thing, for which I was counted upon and adored for by my friends and cousins.
Though in which moment I lost that art, I never got to know.
Today, I find it weird how my mental state keeps shuttling between factual settings and a trance like state. It’s like one moment my mind would be all active, capturing every single movement around while in the very next one there would be an uncanny mental silence and isolation. More like somebody putting a switch on and off - Continuously.