Alright, so today I m frustrated and don’t have anybody to puke out the mess that’s been whirling in my mind for something like ages..that’s why I’ve kind of taken refuge in this techno-diary called M-S word…now, what do I wanna say…I don’t know…why am I so damn depressed..no ideas…why am I feeling so rejected…no clues…then damned why the hell on earth am I feeling like saying thousands of words…!!! This is probably the biggest problem with me that exactly when I want to say something bout myself, my problems, my fears I just loose the track of things…I mean this whole “thinking” business has left me numb..I am truly sick and tired of “THINKING” about the things which don’t succeed in getting a way out of my mouth and hence they keep meandering in my brain sucking all my energies and enthu....I mean how much should it hurt if you are really excited and all pepped up to share the moments of an eventful day but all you hear from the other end is “I am tired” in a totally depressing tone….or how much frightened should you be of not being able to live upto the expectations of your family…or how much should you hate yourself for not doing the things you are ideally supposed to do…and how much lonely you should feel in moments like the one I am living right now…I don’t know, nobody does… and I don’t speak bout things like these.. so consequently, all these thoughts collectively end up fucking my mind leaving me mentally devastated…all this happening after being blessed with the best of the friends like jui, shwet and megs who are all ears for whatever crap I wanna say….but even then I feel such a loner of myself in times like this…shit, shit, shit…I hate this, I so hate this feeling… life sucks at times..it really does…
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Krishan ji had planned a very sweet surpsrise for me today…now you must be thinking what kinda surprise was it no…???? areyy baba bata rahi hu naa,batane ke liye hi to iss screen ke aage baithi hu…haaan to hua ye ki me and appy..hey just a sec did I tell you bout appy..??? no I guess I didn’t.. ok then let me introduce her first ,appy’s actual name is apoorva but I call her appy coz one, it saves time (instead of saying “apooooooooooorvaaaa” appy comes quick to the tongue) and two, it sounds cool n chic…yeah..so appy and me are classmates,we study animation together and get along very well..reason..?? both of us are equally vellas , kaamchor and nikkamma people with extremely high aspirations and most importantly, both of us find solace in making fun of things around us and thus we have a permanent colgate smile on our faces, when together(no doubts most of the people in our class including Geetali find us certified loons…!)
… okkkk..so I was telling you about the surprise,.. what happened was me and appy were walking towards the Andrews ganj bus stop after the class..generally we take bus from the south-ex stand but since sakshi-the third angle of our tikdi didn’t turn up today, we decided for the other stand just for a change…we were walking in a residential by-lane..actually “walking’ is not the correct word we were slogging practically slogging ,bored and tired of the two hours lecture bout 3d studio max and the hot july afternoon assaulting our already pathetic condition..the tan-conscience part within appy made her open her pink colored umbrella, pakiza-the supposed name of the umbrella company dangling from its holding strap..for a split second I visualized meena kumari opening the pakiza umbrella and singing “..inhi logon ne..” in the middle of the road..!!..hi..hi..yeah so the sun was gladly doing its part of making us perspire all the mineral salts of our body and my t-shirt sleeve was loyally playing its double role of being a sleeve and a hanky…so we slogged on and were crossing a building under construction when a tavera honked from behind..I looked back and realized that we along with the heaps of sand and concrete were hindering the driver’s way ,so we kind of side stepped to make way for the car…but instead of moving the driver honked again,this time I looked at the driver who in turn signaled me to move away…ahhh so even the drivers of delhi throw attitude..great..!! I gave him a disgusting look, grabbed appy’s hand and dragged her to cross that messy place mumbling the samajhta-kya-hai-apne-aap-ko stuff…we crossed the construction site and so did the car..I scoffed at the car’s back and screeeechhhhhh…the car stopped…shit…did he saw me mocking at him…dchik-dchik..reverse gear…now the car was moving backwards..towards us..hey bhagwan ye ladne to nahi aa raha…?? I asked appy clutching her hand but even she was clueless..the car stopped right next to us…my mind was racing to settle on an expression best suited to handle a freaked out driver-
Anger,something like teri-aisi-ki-taisi?? No..
sorry bhaiyyaa?? Hell no…
main toh ise(appy) muh chida rahi thi…BINGO..!!
I waited for the driver to come out but no..here came the surprise the window of the driver’s next seat was rolled down to reveal a very pretty face of a lady in her fifties…we looked at her and the very first thing which came to mind were the lines of a famous song from major saab ‘..sona sona…dil mera sona…’ it was bound to happen..coz the lady I was looking at was Nafisa Ali,the same female on whom this song was picturised..so there we were, standing aghast by the offer of a lift from a former miss india-actress-social worker..at first all I could reply to her “shall I drop you somewhere..” was a silly “..huh..??” and then when it registered that we aren’t dreaming and a celebrity is actually asking us if wanted to be dropped somewhere I stupidly refused the offer..and the effect of stupidity was all the more enhanced when instead of replying to her question I pointed a finger at her and asked “are you Nafisa Ali??” as if “are you an earthly being..??” she gave us a bright smile and nodded,I sheepishly smiled back…but..whatever..it was really sweet of her to offer us the lift and silly of me to refuse it ..i am saying ‘me’ coz through out the encounter appy was scratching the back of my arm which she later on told was a cue to accept the offer and jump into the car…thank god appy didn’t get excited enough to push me away infront of her and get a ride in her car..gosh..I would have looked such a loser running behind a tavera on the streets shouting “..Nafisa mam I’v changed my mind…plzzzzzzzzzzzz take me along with you…!!!” ha..ha..ha..