Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A Soul's Twin Sides

One person - One kind of behavior. That's how it is supposed to be. A person has to react, behave, conduct himself in a certain way; it is a fundamental rule of nature but then how do you deal with split personalities?

With two stark sides within, I feel a defaulter at nature's rule of having single personality in a single body. Quite obviously it is never pleasing or comforting to know that you are different from the normal set of people; that you are slightly abnormal at normal things and so is the case with me too. It is embarrassing, annoying, irritating, disturbing, saddening and more - being absolutely unpredictable and unreasonable at the pettiest of things while taking major issues nonchalantly with a pinch of salt.

At times I wonder if people around me or associated with me in anyway are asked for a brief description of mine, there'll definitely be two stark character sketches at disposal. For on one hand I am identified as an  extrovert who is a motor-mouth, talks non-stop about random things, laughs loud, finds fun in the most serious circumstances, gets along with almost everyone, told to be a happy-go-lucky person who apparently lights up the surrounding environment to the extent of being titled as - Little Miss Sunshine.

That's one side. And then there's a flip side to this popular perception.

The side which is highly vulnerable, where everything happens to be at extreme - joys, sorrows, love, jealousy, possessiveness..everything. That's the side which doesn't like to talk at all, is under-confident about striking a dialogue or taking up things upfront, the side which avoids people deliberately for the sheer fear of being judged by them; thus, being inaccessible to most of the people around.

Basically there's one self which is supremely confident and optimistic about  everything in life and then there's one self which is extremely vulnerable and pessimist about every single thing under the sun. 

And so what happens when such polar sides exist in the same frame? One tends to flash these sides on and off as a part of the routine life. How? Well, one talks, talks, talks, talks at one hour and then without any reason falls silent for the rest of the day. One goes crazy partying, boozing, fooling around with people and then feels uncomfortable and difficult to the core to pick up their simple phone calls. One pours ones heart out to a person one day minus any nudging and then feels disgusted at self for letting all the secrets out without any rhyme or reason. That's what happens when you have split personalities, and when does it become most awful? It is when people who happen to know you in and out with a chance of getting a glimpse of both sides of your soul tell you that you are 'abnormal'. When they spell it out for you that you are 'not-so-likingly' different from 'normal' people. That's when it hits real bad because it is never a deliberate effort to behave 'abnormally', neither anyone takes pride in being identified as an eccentric case but then if one is, so to say, naturally booted with a split personality, how is one supposed to behave unlike it!

So for all the normal janta I just wanted to put it on record -
I am a person with a soul which has twin sides, if you can't deal with it that's not my problem. Sorry to put your opinions about me at bay but, I think I am absolutely normal in an abnormal way.

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