Bad Day

Alright, so today I m frustrated and don’t have anybody to puke out the mess that’s been whirling in my mind for something like ages..that’s why I’ve kind of taken refuge in this techno-diary called M-S word…now, what do I wanna say…I don’t know…why am I so damn depressed..no ideas…why am I feeling so rejected…no clues…then damned why the hell on earth am I feeling like saying thousands of words…!!! This is probably the biggest problem with me that exactly when I want to say something bout myself, my problems, my fears I just loose the track of things…I mean this whole “thinking” business has left me numb..I am truly sick and tired of “THINKING” about the things which don’t succeed in getting a way out of my mouth and hence they keep meandering in my brain sucking all my energies and enthu....I mean how much should it hurt if you are really excited and all pepped up to share the moments of an eventful day but all you hear from the other end is “I am tired” in a totally depressing tone….or how much frightened should you be of not being able to live upto the expectations of your family…or how much should you hate yourself for not doing the things you are ideally supposed to do…and how much lonely you should feel in moments like the one I am living right now…I don’t know, nobody does… and I don’t speak bout things like these.. so consequently, all these thoughts collectively end up fucking my mind leaving me mentally devastated…all this happening after being blessed with the best of the friends like jui, shwet and megs who are all ears for whatever crap I wanna say….but even then I feel such a loner of myself in times like this…shit, shit, shit…I hate this, I so hate this feeling… life sucks at times..it really does…

Lucky Day

Krishan ji had planned a very sweet surpsrise for me today…now you must be thinking what kinda surprise was it no…???? areyy baba bata rahi hu naa,batane ke liye hi to iss screen ke aage baithi hu…haaan to hua ye ki me and appy..hey just a sec did I tell you bout appy..??? no I guess I didn’t.. ok then let me introduce her first ,appy’s actual name is apoorva but I call her appy coz one, it saves time (instead of saying “apooooooooooorvaaaa” appy comes quick to the tongue) and two, it sounds cool n chic…yeah..so appy and me are classmates,we study animation together and get along very well..reason..?? both of us are equally vellas , kaamchor and nikkamma people with extremely high aspirations and most importantly, both of us find solace in making fun of things around us and thus we have a permanent colgate smile on our faces, when together(no doubts most of the people in our class including Geetali find us certified loons…!)

… okkkk..so I was telling you about the surprise,.. what happened was me and appy were walking towards the Andrews ganj bus stop after the class..generally we take bus from the south-ex stand but since sakshi-the third angle of our tikdi didn’t turn up today, we decided for the other stand just for a change…we were walking in a residential by-lane..actually “walking’ is not the correct word we were slogging practically slogging ,bored and tired of the two hours lecture bout 3d studio max and the hot july afternoon assaulting our already pathetic condition..the tan-conscience part within appy made her open her pink colored umbrella, pakiza-the supposed name of the umbrella company dangling from its holding strap..for a split second I visualized meena kumari opening the pakiza umbrella and singing “..inhi logon ne..” in the middle of the road..!!..hi..hi..yeah so the sun was gladly doing its part of making us perspire all the mineral salts of our body and my t-shirt sleeve was loyally playing its double role of being a sleeve and a hanky…so we slogged on and were crossing a building under construction when a tavera honked from behind..I looked back and realized that we along with the heaps of sand and concrete were hindering the driver’s way ,so we kind of side stepped to make way for the car…but instead of moving the driver honked again,this time I looked at the driver who in turn signaled me to move away…ahhh so even the drivers of delhi throw attitude..great..!! I gave him a disgusting look, grabbed appy’s hand and dragged her to cross that messy place mumbling the samajhta-kya-hai-apne-aap-ko stuff…we crossed the construction site and so did the car..I scoffed at the car’s back and screeeechhhhhh…the car stopped…shit…did he saw me mocking at him…dchik-dchik..reverse gear…now the car was moving backwards..towards us..hey bhagwan ye ladne to nahi aa raha…?? I asked appy clutching her hand but even she was clueless..the car stopped right next to us…my mind was racing to settle on an expression best suited to handle a freaked out driver-

smile?? No..

Anger,something like teri-aisi-ki-taisi?? No..

sorry bhaiyyaa?? Hell no…

main toh ise(appy) muh chida rahi thi…BINGO..!!

I waited for the driver to come out but no..here came the surprise the window of the driver’s next seat was rolled down to reveal a very pretty face of a lady in her fifties…we looked at her and the very first thing which came to mind were the lines of a famous song from major saab ‘..sona sona…dil mera sona…’ it was bound to happen..coz the lady I was looking at was Nafisa Ali,the same female on whom this song was picturised..so there we were, standing aghast by the offer of a lift from a former miss india-actress-social worker..at first all I could reply to her “shall I drop you somewhere..” was a silly “..huh..??” and then when it registered that we aren’t dreaming and a celebrity is actually asking us if wanted to be dropped somewhere I stupidly refused the offer..and the effect of stupidity was all the more enhanced when instead of replying to her question I pointed a finger at her and asked “are you Nafisa Ali??” as if “are you an earthly being..??” she gave us a bright smile and nodded,I sheepishly smiled back…but..whatever..it was really sweet of her to offer us the lift and silly of me to refuse it ..i am saying ‘me’ coz through out the encounter appy was scratching the back of my arm which she later on told was a cue to accept the offer and jump into the car…thank god appy didn’t get excited enough to push me away infront of her and get a ride in her car..gosh..I would have looked such a loser running behind a tavera on the streets shouting “..Nafisa mam I’v changed my mind…plzzzzzzzzzzzz take me along with you…!!!” ha..ha..ha..

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round…

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground...?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight...

Or gazed at the sun into a fading night...?

You’d better slow down,

Don’t dance so fast,

Time is short, the music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly…?

When you ask how are you…

Do you hear the reply…?

When the day is done…

Do you lie in the bed with next hundred chores running through your head...?

You’d better slow down,

Don’t dance so fast,

Time is short, the music won’t last.

Ever told your child we’ll do it tomorrow…

And in your haste, not see his sorrow.

Ever lost touch and let a friendship die…

because you never had time to call and say ‘Hi’.

You’d better slow down,

Don’t dance so fast,

Time is short, the music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift thrown away…

Life is not a race,

Do take it slower…

Hear the music… before the song is over.

Friends Forever

I always use to wonder at the clichéd statement generally made by the best man of an award function saying- "had there not been the support of my family and friends, I would have never reached so far..."( I actually thought this line as an essential ingredient to make the winning speech look as self-effacing as possible..!) I mean the whole idea of portraying friends and family as the angels in life by a person with a trophy seemed extremely whacko to me.. and my instant reaction to a scene like that use to be-' why is this person passing off the credits to others.. isn't it his and purely, wholly and solely his efforts and hard work which has earned him this respectable position..???..gawd..this world is obsessed with modesty I swear....'

The perception was absolutely wrong.

I don’t mind accepting it.

It is so coz one thing which I never realized until recently was that to reach the peak one has to first endure the anguish of a strenuous path during which not only one gets hurt more than a hundred times but also at times loses the hope of reaching to the top. And this exactly is the period where if you don't get enough supplies of emotional support and courage from your loved ones then man you definitely gonna suffocate along with your dreams and aspirations. (..Trust me it’s a phase when few words of compassion and faith work no less than an oxygen cylinder to an Everest trekker ..!)

We often don’t realize the importance of people around us as over the years we become so habitual of their presence in our lives that they being with us become as obvious as we being with ourselves..! But then of course there are incidents which act as the waking bell to shake us up from the siesta that life without your friends and family can actually be "UGLY & DREADFUL".( I experienced one such incident recently..thankfully!! Or it would have taken much more time for me to understand that my friends and family are actually my pillars of strength. )

For one single second just think of a life where nobody understands you, trusts you and not even cares to know if everything is fine with you or not...sounds appalling..isn’t it?? Ironically, people without whom we cannot even imagine a life, who deserve all the care and warmth are the people whom we take for granted. Most of us are so damn occupied in our daily routine that the need to recognize the sheer presence of our well-wishers never really occurs to us…unfortunately one of the most precious gifts of god is seldom celebrated.

You know what, I guess the whole deal is just about being a little more receptive on the personal end so as to acknowledge the value of our freinds who make our lives so much more easier just by showing their belief in our dreams and fuelling us to realise those dreams with a greater zeal.

So if you are a blessed soul and have got few real time buddies then don’t waste time dude, go ahead and tell them that they are truly special because they make you special..

Now I guess I should sign off coz its 2:10 in the morning, and my mom's really gonna loose her temper if didn’t surrender to the bed right now.. good night and bye, bye .

FJ2 - First Job Jitters

Its for the first time that I am writing a blog as only yesterday I got to know what blogs are..so folks here I am jotting down my thoughts which badly needed a vent out. I am sure whoever reads this post would find the title very wierd...'FJ2'..I mean doesn't that sound like a hollywood sci-fi movie..??? No,no i m not gonna talk about transformers or its likes coz I myself am least interested in it..what I mean by 'FJ2' is 'First Job Jitters' referring to the state of anxiety and nervousness at the first job.The constant pressure of proving oneself among the already established ones and the fear of rejection is what its all about.

FJ2 syndrome,that's what I m living with since the last nine days when I joined a media consultant firm as a trainee. I dont know what goes wrong with me each time I enter my new workplace..the phrase- " You'll mess up things" keeps knocking in the head for no valid reason..I m always at a loss of words in front of my seniors..why..? The answer is that this bloody FJ2 syndrome has taken its toll on me..!!

I think everybody goes through it but the intensity in my case is way too much. The corporate environment,the terms,the professionalism...its a whole new world for me which is so different from the one i'v been living in since the last 21 years..its almost an alien world or rather i m an alien in this new world..people say 'You start from scratch at your first job' but i guess in my case i have to first level the land to make a scratch on it..!!

I know I'v got to combat this FJ2 at any cost as only then I'll be able to get out of my cocoon of ignorance and enter the world of reality..but as of now the question is 'how..???'

I hope I'll be able to sought out the answer soon..atleast before my training period expires..! till then the quest continues...